Dumb Mute

Everytime I try to write it just doesn't work out--Why--Only I can say why. And now here I sit and my vocabulary won't allow me to say what I want to say.

Today in class we talked about how literature and language is so closely connected as far as aboriginal stories are concerned. Because their tradition is oral, translation in English is, as my prof says, like kissing someone through a veil. Close, but too much is lost in the translation to actually like it, or get the meaning the story teller and those who understand his language, understands. I thought that was a pretty nice analogy, kissing someone through a veil. Being who I am, I immediately got off track and silently sat there thinking not of native literature, interesting as it is (it is!), but rather of the secrecy we all feel so compelled to keep from those closest to us.

Someone can know you, or think he/she does, and you can feel like they do too, but really, it's simply yet another case, like all previous such cases, of testing the limits. How close is just too damn close? How many hours can one actually spend in the company of just one other person before slinking out the door on potentially false pretenses? For someone with no connection to the mob, a secret lover on the side, or a job as a private investigator, this avoidance of actual time and intimacy in the closest of relationships, simply will not do. Stick to the surface. Please, don't be superficial, but can you make it quick?

I read this back and feel awful. But that's how I feel (awful?) and I guess i simply cannot have it any other way.

Really bad headache..Took a Nytol in the tub. Need to sleep. Listening to "A is for Accident" by the Dresden Dolls...