Ghost Pain

I have such a terrible headache today. I think I'm getting sick again. I have a terrible scratchy feeling in the back of my throat, like my esophogus is going to come up and tangle with my tongue. I stayed in bed until 25 minutes before I had to leave for work today, even though I set my alarm for three hours before and cautiously opened my eyes to check on the time every half an hour or so. Getting up has never been so difficult. Today was hard for me. I just felt really out of it. I look kind of peaked today and my fingers are kind of shaking a little too much for comfort. I had terrible dreams last night. I recall two of them..

The first was strange and concerned dad (but most of them that do, generally share that trait). There was definitely more to it, but I only remember the ending, so I am going to write it down now before I forget:

We're in the house at Bolton Centre. Dad is still sleeping in the 'red carpet room' in the basement. I notice mom has been quiet (unusual) a lot lately. I go to ask dad what the problem is with mom and notice dad's hands aren't right. They are artificial--except they aren't--they're just not his. There's 4 fingers on each hand. The fingers aren't normal; they're long and thin, without nails and filed down to points. The skin is light brown and contrast badly with dad's dark skin. "What happened to your hands?" I ask. "Turned green and fell off." "Why?" "I'm being blackmailed," he says, "Your mother, too. If we don't do what they want next, it's my right foot, then my left testicle, left foot, right testicle. They've already taken your mother's womb." "Everything's replaced?" I ask. Dad answers, "It always is."

The second dream is one I've had before and really bothers me--It's terribly graphic and terrifying:

A girl in a short skirt is running and falls down. Her legs open like scissors. No underwear. Vagina opens and I have no idea which way her legs are spreading, but slowly, terribly, so fucking gradually, she is torn apart. Starting from this point, her skin is peeled back, her internal organs are visible, she is like a layered art exhibit. The worst part is that it is all happening so slowly. Suddenly there is no girl. Just a tangle of mush, red. Then I wake up. I go back to sleep, and finally roll myself out of bed when I realize I have less than half an hour to get myself looking presentable and ready to teach children..

I''ve had lots of sleep problems before, but I don't think I've remembered dreams quite so vividly since childhood--I had lots of nightmares then, too. Getting a little scared to sleep. Maybe this is just another issue to add to the list...life is fun.